It occurred to me tonight how dating and surviving the sinking of the Titanic might be alike......
Now, before I go any further let me provide this evening's disclaimer: Someone, somewhere is going to say, "That's just awful! People died!" Yea, I know! People die every damn day and that's awful too! So, don't email me saying things like, "My Father's Great Uncle's Niece on his Great Grandmother's side who used to attend church of the Pastor whose mother died with the ship." Like I'm always saying, I don't care!!
Anyway-
Being single is like being in a life boat AFTER the Titanic has already gone down. Except everyone has their own little life boat and we're all just out there floating around. Occasionally, you will come along another survivor treading water. As you pull your little dingy along side them you offer them a spot with you BUT only if they fit certain criteria. Age, weight, hair color, eye color, children/no children, fiscal responsibility, likes, dislikes, political views, favorite foods, 401k, hobbies. And then it happens.......as you are conducting your dingy side interview they give a wrong answer. You pull out your bullhorn and scream,"SWIM AWAY FROM THE LIFE BOAT, SIR" because somehow as the ship went down you managed to find one and grab it for safe keeping! (Yea, I know there weren't actually bullhorns on the Titanic, but there were in this scenario! Don't email me with that one either!) Maybe it wasn't a wrong answer per say, but it's not enough to earn them a dry spot on your boat. For instance, with me in particular, I find it a good thing when a suitor (that's just a funny word to me) takes an interest in my interests or what I do. The last guy I had an interest in said, "No, I don't read your blog. I hate reading." O.o
KEEP ON SWIMMIN MUTHA F*&%$ !!!! Try the chic in the boat behind me!!! Damn, it's lonely out in the ocean!!!!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Who hired the Pied Piper!!
Just when I thought my well of experience had run dry along came another topic that I had something to say about. Imagine that!
As most of you know I was (yes that's WAS!! I just got a regular job and resigned) working a graveyard shift job. Not glamorous by any stretch of the imagination. Or clean. Or fun. Or anything that any human being alive should be doing. But I digress. As described previously, "The Grave" as I like to call it, caters to a certain clientele. Not the cute kind. But, occasionally, a good looking one will venture in and wander around for a bit.
And so it was on one particular night not too long ago, when a rather handsome muscular and unusually young man (for the place I was working) came swaggering in at the wee hours of the morn covered in full sleeves. (That's tattoos covering both arms COMPLETELY for those of you not in the know.)
He was lookin' good in his Edward Hardy shirt and as he walked by me he smelled so damn good ......I followed him!!! Yes, I did! Pimp juice in a bottle wasn't gettin away from me!! It was like he was the Pied fuckin Piper without a damn flute!!! I followed him, at arm's length of course, to the other end of the store where I waited on him. At one point I realized while I was standing at the counter with him that I was on my tip-toes practically leaning over it and as I looked over at my manager who was about ten feet from me at the time he looked at me like I was out of my mind! Then it happened! Said hottie opened his mouth and revealed a mouthful of nasty rotten teeth and then he began to speak and further revealed less than intelligent conversation skills! DAMN IT ALL!!!
Not too long after him was another fine young specimen. From across the store he had GRREEAAAT calves, a tattoo on his forearm (hey, A tattoo is better than none) and TERRIFIC shoulders! Anyone who knows me knows I am sucker for great shoulders. And then he turned around......and was wearing coke bottle glasses!!!!!!!! DAMN IT ALLL!!!!!!
It just goes to show ladies and gents, don't judge a book by it's cover because maybe that book can't speak or spell or even SEE!!!!
As most of you know I was (yes that's WAS!! I just got a regular job and resigned) working a graveyard shift job. Not glamorous by any stretch of the imagination. Or clean. Or fun. Or anything that any human being alive should be doing. But I digress. As described previously, "The Grave" as I like to call it, caters to a certain clientele. Not the cute kind. But, occasionally, a good looking one will venture in and wander around for a bit.
And so it was on one particular night not too long ago, when a rather handsome muscular and unusually young man (for the place I was working) came swaggering in at the wee hours of the morn covered in full sleeves. (That's tattoos covering both arms COMPLETELY for those of you not in the know.)
He was lookin' good in his Edward Hardy shirt and as he walked by me he smelled so damn good ......I followed him!!! Yes, I did! Pimp juice in a bottle wasn't gettin away from me!! It was like he was the Pied fuckin Piper without a damn flute!!! I followed him, at arm's length of course, to the other end of the store where I waited on him. At one point I realized while I was standing at the counter with him that I was on my tip-toes practically leaning over it and as I looked over at my manager who was about ten feet from me at the time he looked at me like I was out of my mind! Then it happened! Said hottie opened his mouth and revealed a mouthful of nasty rotten teeth and then he began to speak and further revealed less than intelligent conversation skills! DAMN IT ALL!!!
Not too long after him was another fine young specimen. From across the store he had GRREEAAAT calves, a tattoo on his forearm (hey, A tattoo is better than none) and TERRIFIC shoulders! Anyone who knows me knows I am sucker for great shoulders. And then he turned around......and was wearing coke bottle glasses!!!!!!!! DAMN IT ALLL!!!!!!
It just goes to show ladies and gents, don't judge a book by it's cover because maybe that book can't speak or spell or even SEE!!!!
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