Love thy neighbor or don't

When I moved into my apartment back in August one of the things that was important is that it is quiet. Not only because I work the graveyard shift but I also hate hearing people's mouths. The building manager assured me it was a quiet neighborhood. All I can say is, the bitch lied!
Early on I had a hint there would be problems with my neighbor when within the first week, as I was laying in the comfort of my bed in my new home, I heard groans on the other side of the wall. I was not pleased. I am drafting a note which I am considering taping to his door.
Dear Neighbor,
The following is a list of reasons why I will avoid you for the rest of my natural life:
1. Listening to your sexual exploits is less than thrilling. Not to mention unimpressive. If you have to give your partner a pep talk I can over hear during sex I suggest you stop, excuse yourself, and go in the bathroom and cry. Sad. Just sad.
2.Listening to your screams while you have nightmares is not only annoying but the pitch of your voice sounds alarmingly like a little girl. Man up. The boogie man isn't real. I promise.
3.Your sex life was made only more frightening when I actually saw what you are taking to bed. Enough said.
4. Your face is a train wreck. It looks like you shave with sand paper. My next question is why is anyone taking YOU to bed?
5. You smoke like a chimney and I can smell it through the wall in my room as you smoke in bed. Presumably after one of your lack luster performances. You're an idiot. You're going to kill us all.
6.Don't run out of your apartment anymore when you see me coming because you think it will make you look neighborly and maybe I will want to get to know you. I will NEVER want to get to know you. Especially not after hearing you yell, "WOW!!" when you climax.
Please move! Thank you! That is all!