February brings the arrival of my least favorite commercialized holiday. I hate it so very much that I will not even mention it's name here. Instead I will give you the reasons it's better to be single and hate this approaching day of commercial slavery.
1. It gives me more reasons to wear and expand my wardrobe of black. I NEVER wear red, pink, purple, or any other pleasant derivative on this day.
2.It is the one time a year that I make my confectionery wonder that is a heart shaped cake which reads, "FUCK V$%^&#&*^(% &^%!"
3.This year I will be making cards with nooses on them for all my dear, sweet friends. I'm sure all of you lucky recipients can't wait to get yours!
4. I get to watch a violent slasher movie instead of a romantic drama/comedy!
5. Unlike many other American women I won't have to pretend that I am madly in love with someone when they actually make me want to vomit on myself.
6. It's the one day when friends and family EXPECT you to drink yourself into a stupor by yourself! Don't call me! I'll be drinking and watching Netflix!
7. I have never been a stuffed animal person so luckily, I won't be receiving any of these preposterous creatures!!
8. It's the one day when people who know me understand why I have a scowl on my face and need not ask!
9. It gives me and my other single girls reason to get together and complain about all you bitches who are happy! Oh wait, I'm the only one attending that party this year!! Fuck all you bitches then!!!
10. At midnight on the 15th I celebrate like it's New Years!!!
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