I'm pretty sure I'm better looking than you!!!

I feel the need to revisit, if you will, a much older post. With a few revisions of course! ENJOY!!
Since I have so much experience in this department I figured instead of bitching about this sad topic any more in my life I would begin to use it as fodder for my writing because nothing makes a situation funnier than being able to laugh at yourself!! (At least that is what I will keep telling myself)
There are always those old adages: "If he's not calling you, he doesn't dig you.", "If he's not sleeping with you, he doesn't dig you," so on and so forth, but there are also the other small red flags that sometimes get ignored. Such as:
1. If he asks you for gas money to come visit YOU and you haven't been in a long term relationship.....A)he's a loser and B)he's a loser who will take ANY AND ALL of your money!
2. If he has a place of his own and you have dropped him off there, but you have never seen the inside of it and the only place you hang out with him is a friend's house AND he sleeps there on the couch like it's The Holiday Inn...yea, rethink that one as well!! Especially if he says "Oh, it's only because I need to have the utilities cut BACK on!!" Seriously???
3. If you go out for dinner or drinks and he doesn't even give a "courtesy reach" for his wallet when the bill comes...tell him you have to hit the bathroom and never look back!
4. If you meet him while he's passing through town on "business" and calls you every day of said business trip saying he is stopping through on his way back but then cancels at the last possible second while you have had dinner made for about an hour or so and then never calls you again or won't return txts, be happy he was only "passing through" and chalk it up to some kind of "Bridges of Madison County" type bullshit minus the sex. Oh and minus the love as well. Ok and minus any type of bridge. Not that this has ever happened to me, I'm just sayin.
5. If the phone mysteriously disconnects multiple times while you talk to him...EVERY TIME you talk to him maybe you should hang up too!
6. If you begin discussing books and he tells you he has read just about everything.......while he was in PRISON!! Get rid of your library card!!
7. Further along those lines if his favorite accessory is a government issued ankle bracelet....I don't need to say any more!
8. If he addresses you as "One Foxy Lady" not only is he an idiot, but he's also probably too old for you! Do you really want to pursue things and be required to see that naked? Your answer is no!
9. If he slips you a business card and then whispers, "Call me" and he has written his name and number on the back because it isn't even HIS card.......let him know he can get FREE business cards at Vistaprint since he likes them so much.
10. If he breaks up with you twice in one week, he can barely decide what he wants. Be happy he can tie his shoes or decide what to eat. Not to mention that he is probably up to no good ladies!
11.If the thought crosses your mind that you are better looking than him then you probably are and therefore too good for him. Let them keep lying to themselves about their great looks cuz apparently you did too!
12. And finally.....more than one cell phone....DRUG DEALER!!
Disclaimer:Dear Family, NO I have never dated anyone who has been in prison or has been a drug dealer. I feel the need to get that out of the way before it comes up!
Disclaimer #2: Do me wrong gentlemen and I can and will "shit all over you" on my blog! Now go cry somewhere else!