So, as most of you know I work in retail. Not the most glamorous job, but as we all know with the economy the way it has been those "glamorous" jobs are already taken my people with drug problems like Lyndsey Lohan and Whitney Houston.
I'm pretty sure there isn't a 9 year old anywhere that has ever said, "I really want to work retail when I grow up and for the rest of my life live in servitude to some money mongering big wig who has absolutely no idea who their employees actually are, but spends the money he could be paying his hard working employees on his new hair plugs", I know I never said that. I'm pretty sure at that age I wanted to be a fashion designer or something equally fabulous.
Anyway- working with the public really shows you just how ignorant and rude people really are.
A lot of people, it would seem, think that this is all we have going for us, that most of us have no degree or other interests or that we could possibly be any good at anything outside of asking, "May I help you?".
In all actuality, most of us DO have degrees, some of us even have multiple degrees or are currently seeking more than one. And MOST of us are able to speak with moderate intelligent when asked a polite, direct, INTELLIGENT question.
We are not the dregs of society as some would like to treat us, so I have come up with a check list for everyone of proper shopping etiquette:
1. Please for the love of God, when addressing someone in retail NEVER insinuate they are of lower intelligence simply because they work retail or because they are a FEMALE working retail. This might end with you receiving a punch in the nuts if ever seen out in public aside from our place of employment.
2. DO NOT ALLOW your children (the angels that they may be) to walk up to our displays and knock them over while you look on. Then consequently turn around and ask the employee if there is a problem. OF COURSE THERE IS A PROBLEM YOU BITCH! You wouldn't have asked that obvious question if there wasn't.
3. Don't be a dirty whore and ask the fitting room attendant if you can try on underwear. Come on are you serious?
4. You may think that screaming and making a scene about not getting your way in the store will get you exactly what you want, but guess what? We don't give a fuck. If you don't shop there again oh fuckin well, you are only one person.
5. If your kid is throwing a fit and has been for the last 45 minutes while you pretended it wasn't going on, please remove yourself from the store. I'm pretty sure the employees are not the only ones who want to shank you.
6. No, we do not serve wine in the fitting room. This is not 5th Avenue.
7. The fitting room attendant is not your mother, turn your fuckin cloths out right side yourself.
8. Put shit back where you got it. I'm pretty sure that pair of jeans doesn't belong hanging on that jewelry spinner asshole.
9. If you did crack today please stay at home.
10. Please shower before coming to our establishments. If we have to smell good so should you!
And there you have it all the things that we wish we could say out loud.
WOW! I really got myself worked up didn't I? But in closing I would also like to say: Here is to jobs that pay the bills!!!
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