Those of you who know me know I own a lovable 5 lb. black Chihuahua named Osa Leon which I adopted during my stint in Vegas. I know, I know ...a Chihuahua....I hear it all the time! He's not your ordinary Chihuahua, he's a good boy and very sweet!
Those of you who know me ALSO know I enjoy personifying him as my personal secretary (complete with glasses and pen), A ladies man roaming the neighborhood in search of a conquest (complete with mysterious accent), or general smart ass!
Then I realized, if this dog could talk he would probably have some seriously fucked up things to say that would tell you something about me and what he thinks of me:
1. "Why do they keep speaking Spanish to me? I was born in the United States."
2. "Listen buddy, I'm not going to bother getting to know you because you'll be gone in a month anyway, so just throw that stuffed squirrel a few more times and we're good!"
3. "Please tell me you're not a drummer?"
4. "Why the hell does this kid keep calling me JoJo? Who the fuck is JoJo?"
5. "I'd be nice to me if I were you pal cuz I'm pretty sure I'm not going anywhere!"
6. "Remember the incident with your favorite purse, Mom? Yea, it was me. Who did you think it was? There was no one else around."
7. "You may want to rethink that outfit, mom....and the hair.... in fact you may want to rethink leaving the house at all today."
8. "Another night staying in, huh? God you lead an exciting life!"
9. "Secretly I believe you will be a spinster and I will out live you. Chances are they will find you 6 weeks after you've died and I will have to eat you to survive."
10. "Listen Bitch quit personifying me. I don't want to be your fuckin secretary !"
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